Set Realistic Expectations and Avoid Burnout
Do you ever notice how easy it can be to expect yourself to perform at a level that is completely unrealistic? Or how easy it is for your inner dialogue to contain the word “should?” Do you pile more on your to-do list out of guilt or fear of letting someone else down?
This is an all too familiar recipe for burnout. Burnout is real. It not only extinguishes joy, it can have an immense impact on your physical and mental wellbeing.
Maybe the cause of these unrealistic expectations is due to capitalistic pressure to constantly push ourselves to the point of exhaustion, our own people-pleasing habits that result in porous boundaries and difficulty saying no, a very real fear of losing work, or conditioning that causes us to feel guilty for putting our own needs first.
We all have obligations and things that we don’t necessarily enjoy doing, but we have to get done in life or it is a part of our jobs. Darn, that adulting! We need to work to support ourselves and our families, scoop the cat litter and cook dinner. We certainly don’t want to jeopardize employment and our financial security. This post isn’t really about that, but it may provide some helpful tools on how to relate to those expectations and possibly see where you can ask for support if you are overwhelmed.
Instead let’s focus on expectations we place on ourselves such as to be constantly available to others leaving us feeling energetically drained, caregiving for a sick family member and not getting additional support to take a true break, or overscheduling days with commitments and leaving no time for a nourishing meal or exercise. These are the ways we abandon ourselves. These are the exact situations when we tell our dearest friends, “Oh sweetheart. This is too much for you.”
Here are five steps to transform unrealistic expectations into empowered actions:
The first step to transform this behavior is to realize it is happening in the first place. This helps you become more aware of creating unrealistic expectations and pressure. Are you feeling stressed or overwhelmed by the expectations you have set for yourself?
Become more aware of your inner dialogue. Notice the thoughts that include the word “should.” Take a mindful pause and explore where that voice is really coming from. It's okay to question it. Is what it says really true? “Shoulds” rarely come from a conscious place. “Shoulds” often feel contracted, tight, and stressful. They are the opposite of willingness and desire.
What are you doing for others because you feel guilty versus having the desire, ability, and bandwidth to help? Label this difficult emotion to create some distance around it. It is absolutely okay to say no. It can also be hard. Be kind to yourself and read my previous blog post about saying no here.
If there are things you truly need to get done, try breaking up the list into smaller bites so that you don’t feel so overwhelmed. Be honest about how much time each task will truly take. When you create your schedule, don’t forget to include time for meals, exercise, and breaks.
Ask for help. Reach out to your support group, family, or coworkers to help you with things that you can delegate. You will be surprised at how many people want to be there for you.
When we get real about our expectations, we can let go of the shoulds, release the guilt, and do what we can from a place of kindness and compassion without abandoning ourselves in the process.